The condom is never too small! At the TLC Sex Show at Western U
Can you condomize game at my TLC Sex Show at Western U
TLC Sex Show #condoms are never too small & Can You #condomize game? #medsyd #westernu #sexyliving #sexed
It’s our AYDI LAUNCH EVENT tomorrow night!
Tuesday September 23
PRIZES, CONDOMS, GIVEAWAYS & MORE!
@Ciroc_Lounge @_RHAC @drcarlen @MLHealthUnit #ldnont
I am submitting this piece because sometimes the voices we need to hear most are the ones we don’t often have the opportunity to hear.
My dear friend Wes is one of my favourite humans, not to mention a wicked community developer who romantically moonlights as a pretty hip barber. His life has taken him on a journey that most will not literally experience. I think it’s safe to say although many of our lives undergo transitions and challenges none is comparable to that of someone who is transgender.
His most loving fiancée, a cis-gendered female is also an incredible delight and an amazing person. On the outside, most would relate to them as a typically hip and successful heterosexual, young adult couple. On the inside, they are tenacious beautiful humans in a loving, happy and healthy relationship that love, support and struggle throughout, just like the rest of us.
I wanted to share their words with you, below, as some stories just have to be told.
I am a man who was born a woman, and I began my transition to male about four years ago.
I’m marrying a woman who was born a woman, in three weeks.
Marriage is a curious thing, especially a straight-looking marriage like ours. We are not straight, I am not straight.
I love both men and women, the sex, their bodies, the way that many varieties of people can evoke such an intense double-take in me that I need regular chiropractic adjustments.
There is a troubling thing that happens when we look at two people in a relationship, we assume that a person’s current partner is indicative of the whole of their sexual orientation.
In the four years I have been with my partner, in our “straight” relationship, I can undoubtedly say that we have doubled each other’s queer-factor. We have come to understand how intensely we love each other and through that understanding, we’ve created a space safe enough to examine where our attractions lie, and how we feel about our own bodies, especially in how we use them.
About three-quarters of the guests attending our wedding are some flavour of queer; and, if they’re not, they get honorary queer credentials, because they’re just that rad. The other quarter consists of a few relatives from small towns, some of whom are third- generation farmers. Most of that remaining quarter of people, aren’t aware of my trans identity, our queer identities, or the glorious gong show they’ll be walking in to on September first, and I love that. To say that our wedding will be a beautiful social experiment, is an understatement.
It has taken longer than it should to appreciate that we are more than one thing. More specifically, it has taken me 27 years to figure out just how many things I am. I am a man who was socialized as female for 23 years; I am attracted to all sorts of humans, and I have kept the revolving doors of countless closets well oiled, coming out several times.
It has taken longer than it should to appreciate that the love my partner and I share exists in two worlds. I love that I can throw on the butchiest flannel shirt I own and spend the day pounding beers with my father-in-law on the farm, while my partner looks on adoringly. I love that later that same day, I can throw on the tightest jeans I own and dance until 3:00 am with sweaty queers until I am drunk on Pabst and lust for my community. I love that I have a partner who doesn’t expect me to be anything other than the flamboyant gay boy that I am, and that none of those parts of my identity make me any less man or husband to her.
In three weeks, our two worlds are going to collide in a flurry of gay bar-meets-blue collar nuptials, and I am giddy about the awkward prospect of the day.
In three weeks, I’m getting’ straight-married y’all… the joke is on you.
If you haven’t heard by now, May is considered by many to be a 30 day tribute to self-pleasure or more commonly known as masturbation. Claimed by the infamous Good Vibrations in San Francisco, this month is all about encouraging personal reflection of the intimate relationship we have with ourselves, to diminish associated shame & stigma regarding healthy sexual practices and encourage sex positive values & attitudes through critical dialogue.
Masturbation or self-pleasuring is good for your health! Technically, it can be one of the safest forms of sex (unless you’re putting something somewhere that it shouldn’t be), it helps relieve stress (orgasms trigger dopamine and serotonin natural mood lifters), eliminates migraines, headaches as well as mild pain and helps you build your sexual self confidence through claiming your orgasm for yourself. Our ability to expand our pleasure capacities, I feel is ultimately rooted in the most important of sexual/intimate relationships – the one with ourselves.
Even though the month of May, may be over I encourage you to practice and continue to celebrate in your own way for the whole year! Donate to an associated charity, participate in a masturbate-a-thon, take a trip to your local adult shop and buy something new just for yourself to enjoy, buy lubricant, or self-pleasure in front of a mirror and re-connect with your sex organs… just do it for you and the awesomeness of your potential orgasms!
Sexologists especially, will more often than not, refer to masturbation as self-pleasuring. The romantic & intimate connotations of bringing pleasure to yourself versus the historically shaming & guilt ridden feelings behind the word masturbation are the reasons for the shift in reference. But, we all agree that self-pleasuring is a most powerful connection that you share with yourself and can share with a lover. Here is a quick list of the benefits of not only the orgasm, but of masturbation & self-pleasure.
- A form of harm reduction & safer sex
Harm reduction has become a trending word and led itself ablaze into our mainstream worlds. In application it’s as easy as wearing a helmet when you ride a bike, consistently wearing a condom when you engage in sexual activity or texting your partner once to check-in when you’re out with your buddies on a Friday night. Think simple, easy and effective ways to reduce any potential harm that may come to you from engaging in a super fun activity. Masturbation is just like that. When all you have is yourself to think about, the potential for harm or transmission significantly decreases. Just be sure to use clean toys (with either fresh batteries or fully charged) a water based lubricant, and let your fantasies run wild!
- Expands your pleasure capacity
Kellogg’s Corn Flakes. You know the stuff. The same breakfast I grew up on, sprinkled with sugar (because my Grandfather had an infamous sweet tooth) was, in and of itself created as an anti-masturbatory aid for the crusade towards healthier diets and less sex – of any kind. Kellogg himself is suspected to have not even consummated his own marriage and adopted all of his children. Well, today we thankfully know better and can speak to the benefits of a healthy intimate lifestyle. Masturbation allows us to have a better understanding of our sexual capabilities-whether it’s through practicing to last longer, learning how to orgasm, or guiding ourselves and/or partners where our most tantalizing erogenous zones are. When I have a better understanding of what turns me on I can then either communicate, direct, guide or demonstrate that to a lover. I’m satisfied, they’re satisfied and we are all satiated… until round 2 that is!
- The Natural healer
As I mentioned earlier, orgasms are awesome. And, in that awesomeness is the wonder of natural healing. The release of dopamine and serotonin in your brain not only helps uplift your mood but also aids in the healing of a variety of ailments, such as, (but not limited to); easing tension headaches & migraines, easing menstrual cramps and helping shorten your menstrual cycle, as well as being a natural sleep aid. Who wants to count sheep when you can follow the Sandman to pleasure town? Generally speaking, here’s my rule of thumb – if you’re feeling cranky, anxious, hangry, stressed out, need to be grounded, or any variation of – rub one out. Trust me… you can thank me later.
- Cleans out the “pipes”
I had a friend once tell me “the good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it”. Simple. Easy. Get it done. For some, self-pleasuring is enhanced by their environments and so they make special time for it. For some others, you literally have 4.5 minutes before your partner comes home from walking the dog and you just need to release & redirect the energy before you explode about something small and insignificant. Having a daily orgasm leads to the cycling of healthier semen, it makes you feel good through the release of hormones, is better for you than coffee in the morning and allows you to ground yourself and possibly regroup in between jobs.
So, why are you still here? Don’t you have a bathroom stall to get to? 4.5 minutes until the next meeting – GO!
When John Lennon wrote “All You Need Is Love”, sure he was talking about the sad state of the economy, war, violence and inequalities all over the world, but many of us have come to use that phrase to reason our relationships. To keep a long term relationship going, is all you really need just love?
Let’s recount the dream: find a soul mate, fall in love and commit (marriage or otherwise), and endure all of life’s turmoil until ‘death do you part’. Why? Because “all you need is love”.
Now let’s step into reality where we know that life’s turmoil require much more than love, and where alleged soul mates fail 50% of the time, according to the stats. It seems the lyrics of the modern day song should read “all you need is a friend who’s a divorce lawyer, who can waive the retainer”.
With all of that said, and to steer clear of the negative, we know that there are some/half of relationships that DO last. So I ask, what is the glue that keeps your relationship going?
I will always be the first to admit I LOVE LOVE! I’m a true romantic whose teen years were wooed with amorous John Hughes films - Sixteen Candles & Pretty in Pink. I spent nights awake wishing I could carry that watermelon like Baby in Dirty Dancing, make pottery naked with Patrick Swayze, or turn back time and enjoy the company of Leo aboard the Titanic. How could I not become a hopeless romantic when pop-culture was telling me that love was all I wanted and needed (and I would live to be 100 and carry that love with me to the depth of the Ocean, and Celine Dion would sing about it). I wanted, and still want, to live out the stuff that fairytales are made of, white picket fence included. These modern day fairytales give us hope that one day our problems will go away and all that we dream will come true when we finally find our soul mates.
But what happens after the dream comes true? What does the after-the-honeymoon script read like? Would you find Duckie in bed with Andie? Would Jack’s luck finally run out where he gets stuck at his 9-5 work week and comes home to mortgage payments, an empty fridge and a girlfriend who would rather be at the martini bar with her friends than at home with him? Where has all that feel-good-mushy-fizzle-stuff gone?
Alas the lesson that after “ever-after” comes reality. Bills, laundry, deciding what to have for dinner, walking the dog, more bills, a dirty mess everywhere because to sustain your “dream” you require a dual-income household, and while you both agree to share the housework, it doesn’t matter because you’re both so busy taking over the world and pursuing your own dreams that the last thing you want to do after dinner is anything really, let alone work out, clean the living room or put effort into your relationship.
Ohhhhhh! That’s where the fizzle has gone – into your mortgage. The stuff that 20 something year relationships are made of. That was what you both were striving for in the beginning. Things get busy, our motivations get diverted, and our lives become a never ending newsfeed on Facebook. Maybe you think you can just deal with it in 10 years and few kids later, or cope with it by fantasizing about your mid-life crisis’ second marriage, or just get through it and figure it out (after the end of the fiscal year).
It’s easy to dust your relationship under the rug, but the stuff that modern day long term relationships are made of isn’t as easy as that. I’d like to think that a healthy dose of compromise, patience and humour are essential to any relationship, but the best thing I can tell you is to just keep working at it. Here’s a little list of mojo-meter increasers that can help keep any long term intimate partnership together:
1. Discover your partner’s fantasies
Suffice to say that you’re the ultimate tour guide of your own erogenous identity, but now it’s time to become an expert of that of your loved one, so asking! It’s important to keep those sexy lines of communication open so that you can both feel satisfied every time. Here’s the thing: you’ve been out of the dating scene for awhile so it’s possible that you lost a little magic mojo over time. Not to worry, because you have the power to get it back! One of the best parts about being in a relationship is the sex. So why aren’t you having more of it? I have an uncle that once told me: “sex is like a fine wine, its gets better with age”. For many of us, our single-life careers were filled with tumultuous romps –you were doing and putting things in places that you wouldn’t ever think of now. It’s time to dust off the tools and put them back to work. Keeping the sexy in your sex life takes just that - work, but it can also be fun! Try incorporating a dating ritual where you and your partner take turns going out, buying the props if needed and arranging the details of the whole night. Do you have a sexy firefighter thing? Does he have a sexy teacher thing? Maybe you both were thinking of that camping trip you went on when you first started dating? Keeping it light hearted and creative is the key to great sex. Engaging in these planned acts of desire ensures that you are actually making time for one another. Try it at least twice a month and commit to taking turns, because you just might spark some new inspiration that leads you craving the next encounter. Increasing your sexy living together should and can be hot, spontaneous and spicy without a ton of work. It’s about acknowledging that you both want to and are capable of putting the work into it, but you both want to have some saucy fun while doing it!
2. The “just because” kind of stuff
You remember those warm, butterflies in your tummy, slightly nauseating, like on a roller coaster feeling you get when you see your sexy partner? What happened to that? Reality happened. You both have sunk into your career roles, are trying to climb the ladder and hoping that you won’t run out of steam so that you can hit your next deadline. We easily can forget over time how much our partners mean and do for us. When they say that the little things matter, they weren’t wrong. Finding a little extra time in your week to do those little things does add up to an overall happier relationship. Try sending a mid-afternoon sexy text, programming your calendar to randomly remind you to buy flowers, or calling up your partner and saying that you’re picking up sushi tonight. When we feel that we are rewarded in our relationships we are able to entice our endorphin neuro-transmitters to come out to play. Endorphins are what allow us to experience pleasure and block pain. Along with a rush of Oxytocin, which improves bonding and the feeling of connection, doing the little things can change a person’s entire day! The “just because” kind of things also have the ability to show off our softer sides. Those things are the real things that not only put a smile on your face, but they also remind your partner how awesome it is to be in this with someone. It’s important to keep things light at times in your relationship; to laugh, to hang out, have fun, and have something nice for you. The little things act like a glue and give you the warm fuzzy memories that can keep us going when it becomes challenging.
3. Texting and private messaging just don’t cut it!
Put the cell phone down and have a conversation! How often are we bombarded by social media, our own smart phones and computer screens? On a Friday date night there is always that couple in the middle of the restaurant that are thumb fucking their phones instead of having the real sex that’s right in front of them. As humans, we crave connection and bonding. That’s why social media does so well. It presents the illusion that other people are involved in your life, even though it is the lazy way of maintaining an actual relationship. Our virtual worlds and the like are also highly convenient and a great way to stay connected with other types of relationships when we are already feeling overwhelmed by our own realities. We have created this need for immediacy. Everyone can update their status, tweet a great article, and the whole world will know in about 15 minutes what the next Hollywood scandal is. It is easy to apply this same routine to our own intimate relationships because it’s convenient and you don’t have to show any real emotions. It is easy to use technology as a crutch for getting by, but when was the last time you had a real conversation with your partner? When was the last time you asked your partner something you never knew about them before?
It is just as important to acknowledge each other’s need for “me time”. Everyone needs to be able to have their space and invest time into their own interests, but if you’re talking to your partner via text more often than with real words from your mouth, it might be time to take a look at making time for talking. Virtual messages can often be misconstrued and cause more problems because they lack emotion and timbre. Being able to learn to talk to each other and fully understand what is being said takes practice. When we talk, we are able to communicate and negotiate our positions and process together as a team. Having real conversations about things that matter and even the little things that don’t allow you to grow with each other and understand the other person more intimately.
4. Have a clear sense of your shared goals
Have you had the talk? Being clear about what you what, how you’re going to get it, and when you want to get there can make or break many a relationship. Knowing what your life goals are, your partner’s life goals and how you can work together to accomplish those things or support one another, especially in your shared goals, is a really important talk to have.
What does (insert familial names) team look like? You are a team, right? If you’re going to be in a long term relationship, you have to know that you are a team. Teammates disagree, teammates celebrate, and teammates cry together, support one another and share memories. Unfortunately for many of us, this isn’t like fantasy football where you can trade up or down. The goal isn’t to win the Superbowl, even with the possibility of a sweet two point conversion. The goals are what you both make of it together. They will change and you will adapt. It is your flexibility, continuity of support, patience and all those other wonderful relationship key words that are going to get you both to a place where you both want to be. It’s not about throwing your dreams out the window. It’s about discovering what your dreams are and how they can fit into your dream life together.
5. Fight fair
REALITY: throughout your relationship, you’re going to fight, you’re going to argue, you’re going to disagree, become frustrated, say things you don’t mean and sometimes not know what to do about it. The key thing to remember though is that it’s all in how you get your point across that will affect the end result of the conversation. Sometimes you’re saying apple and she’s hearing pineapple. This goes back to learning how to talk to one another. If you can learn what language you each are speaking, being able to communicate when things get rough tends to be easier. Don’t bottle all your frustrations inside because you think you are sparing your partner’s feelings. Say what you need to say, but be clear and kind. Using “I” statements about how you’re feeling about something, and presenting your perspective clearly can help in figuring it all out.
Choosing the right moment to address a concern is also part of the recipe to avoid disaster. When they ask you to give them space; give them space. Don’t call, text or check up on your heated honey. Just as it’s important to talk and communicate, it’s also just as important to sometimes not say or do anything and let the air clear. Being able to respect what your partner is asking of you can be a make it or break it point. People need time to collect themselves, their dignity, their thoughts and their feelings. Even if you’re ready to talk, they might not be.
Finally, never assume ANYTHING, because you will be surprised. Just because you think your partner understands what you’re thinking or saying doesn’t mean they actually are processing it that way. When we assume that we have been clear, or that they are picking up on certain meanings but you have not come to a verbal agreement; the only one you are hurting is yourself. It’s true, you read all those internet memes that poke fun at either side of the argument, like “when I say ‘whatever you want honey’, it actually means ‘you better choose what I want’. Being able to enjoy each other’s differences and celebrate the similarities is what lasting relationships are made of. That piece helps you both build back up when things are just downright ugly, confusing and personal. So play nice, but more importantly, play fair. Being passionate about something is just downright sexy, but being rude, abrasive and ignorant is a whole other ball game.
6. Pucker Power
It’s not the eyes that are the way to your soul; it’s through your luscious lips. Our lips have the potential to be more sensitive that your genitals and pack more nerve ending power! Kissing your mate is one of the best ways to say hello, goodbye, thinking of you, damn you look sexy, I’m super turned on right now, and so many more other things. Kissing and the ability to physically connect intimately, nurtures the bond that makes it different from dating your brother. Don’t get it twisted. Physical intimacy isn’t about doing the dirty deed 24/7. Cuddling, massaging, hugging and the like also strengthen our intimate connections. Kiss your loved one as often as you can. Big wet smooches, light flutters, or just the right amount of tongue not only has the possibility of a sexy encounter, but it’s also really good for you!
Did you know? Approximately 6 calories are burned every minute we passionately lock lips. It also increases saliva production in our mouths which is great for our teeth! For many, kissing can be seen to be even more intimate than having sex. This being said, it is different for all people. One thing is for certain, one little kiss goes a long way.
The pure pleasurable act of kissing helps strengthen the levels of oxytocin and informs your brain to bond with that person. Not to mention, it’s also really fun! As a part of foreplay, kissing intimately, massaging each other’s lips and tongues passionately can actually help create more stability and be a physical reminder that you’re both in this together. So go on with your bad self! Use those tasty twins and lock lips with your loved one and then tell them, how much you love them.
7. Empathy & Passion
Empathy is our ability to put aside how we are and see ourselves from our partner’s perspective. Empathy is the key to all relationships, whether intimate or not. Being able to talk to each other about what you need, so the other person doesn’t do things in favour of what they think you need (see, we’ve made it full circle back to communication). Whether you are trying to decide what to have for dinner, where to go for your annual vacation, or how important it is that you both go to visit your mother, be clear and be obvious about what it is you are saying. Know that when things get tough or when things are on a high, you need to relate to your partner and manage their impact on you. Empathy allows you to be selfless, to be patient and to understand. Long term relationships need to be able to ebb and flow and grow to their full potential. Empathy gives you the tools to listen and meet the needs of your partner in a manner that they are asking.
These are just tips and simple advice to expand your pleasure capacities and have a life of sexy living. The moral of the story really, is that relationships take work, for life. Pretty in pink only takes you so far- at some point, the prom has to end. How do you keep your long-term relationship alive? By being honest with yourself, your partner and living the life you desire.
Dr. Carlen is one of Canada’s most sought after Sexologist & Relationship Experts. Now, she’s looking for help to reach out to as many people as possible. Dr. Carlen wants everyone to know that it’s important to stay sexy. Sexy Living is all about nurturing the attitude that allows us healthy and happy intimate relationships. It’s about communicating, behaving, loving and translating your own sexual energy into satisfying your fantasies & desires. Keep an eye on her Twitter @drcarlen or Facebook page: “Simple Advice for Sexy Living” or website www.drcarlen.ca to see more blogs, tips, advice, events and more!
This relatively new concept has begun to spring up and I think, is going to be one of the hottest new trends in the sex industry. What is an ecosexual, you might ask? Well, if you’re Googling your little heart out, you may come across the Ecosex Manifesto at SexEcology by the infamous Annie Sprinkle. The manifesto is about looking at the Earth not as ‘mother’, but as ‘lover’ – calling to reduce our carbon footprints and revolutionize how we each truly impact our environment.
What’s a better trend than being eco friendly and increasing your pleasure capacity AT THE SAME TIME!?!
Being able to experience ultimate pleasure AND be ethically conscience, non-toxic, vegan and/or fair trade all sound like familiar trendy & hipster buzz words going into Spring 2013; but let’s be honest – eco conscientiousness is imperative for the success of our future & the future is sexy!
Here’s a quick list of how you can incorporate some ecosexy changes for yourself:
[Sidenote –do not reduce, re-use or recycle your condoms-be smart & protect yourself]
1. Rechargeable, solar powered or glass sex toys
What you’re looking for here are waterproof, rechargeable and phthalate free items. There are many amazing product lines that offer exactly what you’re looking for, such as Lelo, WeVibe and JimmyJane being amongst my favourites right now. Then there are other options such as choosing recyclable products such as solar powered or glass options. Solar powered is a great option to consider, especially for travelling, camping or for your glamping needs . Glass pleasure products are hypoallergenic, rechargeable & don’t fall victim to deterioration or odour accumulation. Another benefit being that they are also rather visually appealing! Lucky you, in my search I also had the benefit of finding Glass Dildo Me, which is a company that creates all sorts of glass dildoes, with the added benefit of the completely customizable to your dimensions & design option. What’s not to love more about pleasure products that are recyclable, beautiful & eco friendly?
2. Eco-cleaning your sex toys:
When thinking about cleaning your pleasure products, try using everyday household items. In my research for this piece, I was looking into natural toy cleaners for purchase. What I did find though could be considered a bit of a surprising twist! What kept coming up was “how to clean baby toys”. Then I thought, if it’s good enough for baby, then it’s also good enough for Mommy & Daddy! When thinking about natural, gentle, clean & effective cleaning of your ‘adult toys’ these tips were a perfect fit. If you’re looking for a more natural way that doesn’t involve a manufactured toy cleaner, or you’re looking for another option other than the easily available soap & water; try using equal parts white or apple cider vinegar, then add a couple drops of tea tree oil for a more enticing scent – it’s that easy. Or, like our bras and baseball caps, if it’s appropriate in your home, throw it in the rinse cycle of your clean dishwasher for a squeaky clean energy saver. Cleaning your toys in between delicious romps with either yourself or your partner is important in maintaining your sexual health and in decreasing the risk of infection or transmission, especially if you are not playing with barrier methods such as condoms.
3. Ethical condoms
There are a few product lines that are staying right on trend with this eco-sexy need. Australian made company Glyde, produces condoms that aren’t tested on animals & are without animal by-products. Hailing from the UK, French Letter Condoms pride themselves on being ethically conscience. Part of their proceeds also go toward ensuring that the rubber-plantation workers receive fair wages. Then there are Sir Richard’s condoms, who donate proceeds and a 1 to 1 purchased condom to developing countries. They are also vegan & offer paraben, glycerin free lubricant within. Finally, there is Japanese company Kimono. They are considered by some, the thinnest & strongest of the vegan-friendly condoms. All of these companies are socially engaged, promote safer sex through harm reduction and are eco friendly. When wrapping up, why not be ecosexy at the same time?
4. Organic Lubricant
If you’re looking for a product that will be sensitive to not only your body, but is conscience planet as well, look for lines that offer plant based ingredients, are water based and say that they are natural & organically certified. One of my favourite is the Sliquid Organics. But, if you’re trying to claw your way through this unpredictable economy like many of us and are looking for cash flow sensitive options, look no further than your own pantry! Naturally processed oils such as olive, coconut or grape seed are great because most of us have a few bottles currently kicking around our cupboards and they taste fantastic! Just a final tip; just be sure to look out for glycerin or high fructose contents in any possible product you apply between your legs as lubricant, in order to avoid the risk of possible uncomfortable infections.
Do you know what it means to be an ecosexual? Are there ways you can be ecosexy in your intimate lifestyle? Then check out my newest blog post!
On the way to Valentine’s Day, a new Chicago-based company with the mission to end boring sex launches in Beta! How does GetLusty end boring sex? We give expert advice from world-renowned sex and relationship experts. More specifically, we’ve built a platform to expand your relationship & sex horizons in 5 specific, proven areas.
First: get better sexual technique. It’s not surprising that if you don’t know what you’re doing sexually, or don’t know how to improve, you’ll have a problem. GetLusty has hundreds of articles on sexual technique of many popular and uncommon sexual areas. From foreplay to sensual massage or tantra, we have articles to share with your partner.
For example, ever wonder what the female erogenous zones are? GetLusty knows. Want ideas around sexual products? We feature discounts from only the best couples-friendly and often organic online stores like Blossom Organics (GetLusty basic members get 10% off).
Second: improve communication. Talking through issues seems so easy. But couples everywhere consistently list communication as the most difficult area to master. Want to have better sex? Talk about it! For example, how can you use arguments to improve your relationship? GetLusty has numerous features, with many more coming in the coming months.
Third: date more and date better. Dating is foundational for couples in long-term relationships. Not sure what you’d like to do Friday night? GetLusty is there for you. With features especially created for couples, we’ll have ways to follow-up on and create unique date ideas together. We also have date ideas every week.
Fourth: increase the adventure. Can you remember the last time you did something unexpected with your partner? GetLusty helps you get adventurous with your lover. We’ll help you find businesses to help you get adventurous or even international retreats especially for couples. For example, check out our recommendation for a Bali Orgasmic Retreat. Something new? We’ve got it.
Fifth: stay healthy. Staying healthy keeps you feeling confident. GetLusty helps you with ideas and weekly tips to keep you healthy. Wonder about your own sexual health? GetLusty has an archive of articles on numerous aspects of sexual health. For us, being healthy isn’t about being thin. We promote a healthy body image to supplement your healthy body.
If sex came second, then lubricant helped you come first! Getting from level none to fun when turned on, has the potential to be the best part of your arousal experience. What, might you ask, could make it even better? One of the best ways to increase your pleasure capacity is to add a little liquid love with lubricant. We all use lube during sex for a variety of different reasons. Sometimes it’s to add a little exotic flavour, to ensure a smooth point of entry, or to combat the often unpredictable effects of factors such as intoxication or aging.
The navigation through the vast sea of anti-chaffing valley could though, become easily distracting and overwhelming. It’s easy to be confused with gimmicks that attempt to attract you with flashy names and delicious looking miniature fruit icons. Although it can become confusing, amidst all of the fun loving fluids are actually some really great and useful products that can take you from OW to WOW in no time! Here’s my quick guide to the basic rules of lubricant that will help you glide on down to pleasure town with ease.
1. Water based
Water based lubricant is one of the most common types of lubricant that is in use; the reason being, because these types of lube are water soluble and relatively easy to clean off of your sexy bodies and sheets. The other benefits are that the silky and slick texture usually avoid clumping and tackiness, but will need to be periodically reapplied if you’re engaging in an all night tasty tussle. If you’re incorporating pleasure products and various toys into your play, sticking with a water based lube that you enjoy is definitely best if you’re unsure what type to purchase. This is becauseit won’t break down your latex condoms or silicone & cyber skin playmates over time. Another quick tip; if you have sensitive skin or react easily to certain products, make sure you are checking for glycerin or cellulose content, as this may cause you to become more susceptible to various uncomfortable infections such as those in the yeast category, ladies.
Silicone lube is great for all kinds of play, especially the ‘going in deep’ kind. The thick viscosity of silicone has a great purpose that serves for limiting the friction and saving your thin mucous membranes at various points of entry. Harm reductive strategies for safer sex always include the use of lubricant as a strategy, not as a barrier, but as a complimentary aid during penetration that just happens to be pleasure inducing at the same time. Just remember, over time if you use silicone lube on silicone pleasure products it will cause ruin to the toy and slowly start to break it down; and no one likes a weakened Willy, now do they?
3. Oil based
If you’re looking for the step between organic and common lubricant, oil based might be your answer. Jellies and oils can be incredible for amping up your pleasure capacity but they need to be used with consideration, depending on your safer sex strategy. Oil based lubricants such as petroleum jelly or baby oil break down latex condoms and increases the risk of infection in women. Not to mention, if you are using condoms, the slippage ratio increases substantially as well as with the resolution clean up. There are however, many benefits to other types of oil based lubricants. For many women especially, who are sensitive to artificial products, hypoallergenic options that are plant based – such as olive, coconut or grape oils are a healthy and eco friendly option, as long as you don’t mind having your sheets slightly more aromatic than they’re used to being.
Ever notice that when you’re in the middle of a make out session, that rush of hormones surges through your body(aka the warmth- thank you Incubus) and the kiss suddenly gets a little wetter than it was? Your body reacts when turned on by increasing salivation and the moistening of your genitals, amongst other indicators. Nothing says pleasure better than knowing your partner is turned on by you! Vaginal fluids, pre-cum, anal mucous and saliva are all ways that your body prepares itself for what it has hopefully been and repetitive experience of delicious ecstasy. Think of it as your hot body reacting with bodily fluids as igniting the purr of an engine in a well oiled car. The hotter you get, the more your body reacts until you burst your rad’ , so to speak.
5. Sensations –heat, tingling etc. spermicidal, flavoured
Whether you’re rubbing one out, or rubbing a solid one in, the variety in lubricants that are on the market today is enough to give you little excuse to not find something that turns you on. If you’re sensitive, just be sure to check the labels and avoid fragranced moisturizers as an alternative. You also want to make sure you’re reading labels properly and watching out where that heating, tingling or numbing lubricant is being used to avoid a less than desirable outcome that could leave you limper than a biscuit or soaking in a cold bath for the night, instead of fancying a shag with your chosen mate.
Dr. Carlen is one of Canada’s most sought after Sexologist & Relationship Experts. Now, she’s looking for help to reach out to as many people as possible. Dr. Carlen wants everyone to know that it’s important to stay sexy. Sexy Living is all about nurturing the attitude that allows us healthy and happy intimate relationships. It’s about communicating, behaving, loving and translating your own sexual energy into satisfying your fantasies & desires. Keep an eye on her Twitter @drcarlen or Facebook page: “Simple Advice for Sexy Living” to see more blogs, tips and advice.