SEXY LIVING with Dr. Carlen

Eco-Sexy

This relatively new concept has begun to spring up and I think, is going to be one of the hottest new trends in the sex industry. What is an ecosexual, you might ask? Well, if you’re Googling your little heart out, you may come across the Ecosex Manifesto at SexEcology by the infamous Annie Sprinkle. The manifesto is about looking at the Earth not as ‘mother’, but as ‘lover’ – calling to reduce our carbon footprints and revolutionize how we each truly impact our environment.

What’s a better trend than being eco friendly and increasing your pleasure capacity AT THE SAME TIME!?!

Being able to experience ultimate pleasure AND be ethically conscience, non-toxic, vegan and/or fair trade all sound like familiar trendy & hipster buzz words going into Spring 2013; but let’s be honest – eco conscientiousness is imperative for the success of our future & the future is sexy!

Here’s a quick list of how you can incorporate some ecosexy changes for yourself:

 [Sidenote –do not reduce, re-use or recycle your condoms-be smart & protect yourself]

1.  Rechargeable, solar powered or glass sex toys

What you’re looking for here are waterproof, rechargeable and phthalate free items. There are many amazing product lines that offer exactly what you’re looking for, such as Lelo, WeVibe and JimmyJane being amongst my favourites right now.  Then there are other options such as choosing recyclable products such as solar powered or glass options. Solar powered is a great option to consider, especially for travelling, camping or for your glamping needs . Glass pleasure products are hypoallergenic, rechargeable & don’t fall victim to deterioration or odour accumulation. Another benefit being that they are also rather visually appealing! Lucky you, in my search I also had the benefit of finding Glass Dildo Me, which is a company that creates all sorts of glass dildoes, with the added benefit of the completely customizable to your dimensions & design option. What’s not to love more about pleasure products that are recyclable, beautiful & eco friendly?

2.       Eco-cleaning your sex toys:

When thinking about cleaning your pleasure products, try using everyday household items. In my research for this piece, I was looking into natural toy cleaners for purchase. What I did find though could be considered a bit of a surprising twist! What kept coming up was “how to clean baby toys”. Then I thought, if it’s good enough for baby, then it’s also good enough for Mommy & Daddy! When thinking about natural, gentle, clean & effective cleaning of your ‘adult toys’ these tips were a perfect fit. If you’re looking for a more natural way that doesn’t involve a manufactured toy cleaner, or you’re looking for another option other than the easily available soap & water; try using equal parts white or apple cider vinegar, then add a couple drops of tea tree oil for a more enticing scent – it’s that easy. Or, like our bras and baseball caps, if it’s appropriate in your home, throw it in the rinse cycle of your clean dishwasher for a squeaky clean energy saver. Cleaning your toys in between delicious romps with either yourself or your partner is important in maintaining your sexual health and in decreasing the risk of infection or transmission, especially if you are not playing with barrier methods such as condoms.

 

3.       Ethical condoms

There are a few product lines that are staying right on trend with this eco-sexy need. Australian made company Glyde, produces condoms that aren’t tested on animals & are without animal by-products. Hailing from the UK, French Letter Condoms pride themselves on being ethically conscience. Part of their proceeds also go toward ensuring that the rubber-plantation workers receive fair wages. Then there are Sir Richard’s condoms, who donate proceeds and a 1 to 1 purchased condom to developing countries. They are also vegan & offer paraben, glycerin free lubricant within. Finally, there is Japanese company Kimono. They are considered by some, the thinnest & strongest of the vegan-friendly condoms. All of these companies are socially engaged, promote safer sex through harm reduction and are eco friendly. When wrapping up, why not be ecosexy at the same time?

4.       Organic Lubricant

If you’re looking for a product that will be sensitive to not only your body, but is conscience planet as well, look for lines that offer plant based ingredients, are water based and say that they are natural & organically certified.  One of my favourite is the Sliquid Organics. But, if you’re trying to claw your way through this unpredictable economy like many of us and are looking for cash flow sensitive options, look no further than your own pantry! Naturally processed oils such as olive, coconut or grape seed are great because most of us have a few bottles currently kicking around our cupboards and they taste fantastic! Just a final tip; just be sure to look out for glycerin or high fructose contents in any possible product you apply between your legs as lubricant, in order to avoid the risk of possible uncomfortable infections.

EcoSexy

GetLusty’s 5 Ways to Have Your BEST Sex Ever!

On the way to Valentine’s Day, a new Chicago-based company with the mission to end boring sex launches in Beta! How does GetLusty end boring sex? We give expert advice from world-renowned sex and relationship experts. More specifically, we’ve built a platform to expand your relationship & sex horizons in 5 specific, proven areas.

First: get better sexual technique. It’s not surprising that if you don’t know what you’re doing sexually, or don’t know how to improve, you’ll have a problem. GetLusty has hundreds of articles on sexual technique of many popular and uncommon sexual areas. From foreplay to sensual massage or tantra, we have articles to share with your partner.

For example, ever wonder what the female erogenous zones are? GetLusty knows. Want ideas around sexual products? We feature discounts from only the best couples-friendly and often organic online stores like Blossom Organics (GetLusty basic members get 10% off).

Second: improve communication. Talking through issues seems so easy. But couples everywhere consistently list communication as the most difficult area to master. Want to have better sex? Talk about it! For example, how can you use arguments to improve your relationship? GetLusty has numerous features, with many more coming in the coming months.

Third: date more and date better. Dating is foundational for couples in long-term relationships. Not sure what you’d like to do Friday night? GetLusty is there for you. With features especially created for couples, we’ll have ways to follow-up on and create unique date ideas together. We also have date ideas every week.

Fourth: increase the adventure. Can you remember the last time you did something unexpected with your partner? GetLusty helps you get adventurous with your lover. We’ll help you find businesses to help you get adventurous or even international retreats especially for couples. For example, check out our recommendation for a Bali Orgasmic Retreat. Something new? We’ve got it.

Fifth: stay healthy. Staying healthy keeps you feeling confident. GetLusty helps you with ideas and weekly tips to keep you healthy. Wonder about your own sexual health? GetLusty has an archive of articles on numerous aspects of sexual health. For us, being healthy isn’t about being thin. We promote a healthy body image to supplement your healthy body.

Now join the revolution to end boring sex. Sign up to GetLusty for Couples. You can also hear about us across Facebook, Twitter at @getlusty, Tumblr & Pinterest.

Olive oil- not just for the kitchen!

If sex came second, then lubricant helped you come first! Getting from level none to fun when turned on, has the potential to be the best part of your arousal experience. What, might you ask, could make it even better? One of the best ways to increase your pleasure capacity is to add a little liquid love with lubricant. We all use lube during sex for a variety of different reasons. Sometimes it’s to add a little exotic flavour, to ensure a smooth point of entry, or to combat the often unpredictable effects of factors such as intoxication or aging.

The navigation through the vast sea of anti-chaffing valley could though, become easily distracting and overwhelming. It’s easy to be confused with gimmicks that attempt to attract you with flashy names and delicious looking miniature fruit icons. Although it can become confusing, amidst all of the fun loving fluids are actually some really great and useful products that can take you from OW to WOW in no time! Here’s my quick guide to the basic rules of lubricant that will help you glide on down to pleasure town with ease.

1.       Water based

Water based lubricant is one of the most common types of lubricant that is in use; the reason being, because these types of lube are water soluble and relatively easy to clean off of your sexy bodies and sheets. The other benefits are that the silky and slick texture usually avoid clumping and tackiness, but will need to be periodically reapplied if you’re engaging in an all night tasty tussle. If you’re incorporating pleasure products and various toys into your play, sticking with a water based lube that you enjoy is definitely best if you’re unsure what type to purchase. This is becauseit won’t break down your latex condoms or silicone & cyber skin playmates over time. Another quick tip; if you have sensitive skin or react easily to certain products, make sure you are checking for glycerin or cellulose content, as this may cause you to become more susceptible to various uncomfortable infections such as those in the yeast category, ladies.

2.       Silicone

Silicone lube is great for all kinds of play, especially the ‘going in deep’ kind. The thick viscosity of silicone has a great purpose that serves for limiting the friction and saving your thin mucous membranes at various points of entry. Harm reductive strategies for safer sex always include the use of lubricant as a strategy, not as a barrier, but as a complimentary aid during penetration that just happens to be pleasure inducing at the same time. Just remember, over time if you use silicone lube on silicone pleasure products it will cause ruin to the toy and slowly start to break it down; and no one likes a weakened Willy, now do they?

3.       Oil based

If you’re looking for the step between organic and common lubricant, oil based might be your answer. Jellies and oils can be incredible for amping up your pleasure capacity but they need to be used with consideration, depending on your safer sex strategy.  Oil based lubricants such as petroleum jelly or baby oil break down latex condoms and increases the risk of infection in women. Not to mention, if you are using condoms, the slippage ratio increases substantially as well as with the resolution clean up. There are however, many benefits to other types of oil based lubricants. For many women especially, who are sensitive to artificial products, hypoallergenic options that are plant based – such as olive, coconut or grape oils are a healthy and eco friendly option, as long as you don’t mind having your sheets slightly more aromatic than they’re used to being.

4.       Organic

Ever notice that when you’re in the middle of a make out session, that rush of hormones surges through your body(aka the warmth- thank you Incubus) and the kiss suddenly gets a little wetter than it was? Your body reacts when turned on by increasing salivation and the moistening of your genitals, amongst other indicators. Nothing says pleasure better than knowing your partner is turned on by you! Vaginal fluids, pre-cum, anal mucous and saliva are all ways that your body prepares itself for what it has hopefully been and repetitive experience of delicious ecstasy. Think of it as your hot body reacting with bodily fluids as igniting the purr of an engine in a well oiled car. The hotter you get, the more your body reacts until you burst your rad’ , so to speak.

5.       Sensations –heat, tingling etc. spermicidal, flavoured

Whether you’re rubbing one out, or rubbing a solid one in, the variety in lubricants that are on the market today is enough to give you little excuse to not find something that turns you on. If you’re sensitive, just be sure to check the labels and avoid fragranced moisturizers as an alternative. You also want to make sure you’re reading labels properly and watching out where that heating, tingling or numbing lubricant is being used to avoid a less than desirable outcome that could leave you limper than a biscuit or soaking in a cold bath for the night, instead of fancying a shag with your chosen mate.

Dr. Carlen is one of Canada’s most sought after Sexologist & Relationship Experts. Now, she’s looking for help to reach out to as many people as possible. Dr. Carlen wants everyone to know that it’s important to stay sexy. Sexy Living is all about nurturing the attitude that allows us healthy and happy intimate relationships. It’s about communicating, behaving, loving and translating your own sexual energy into satisfying your fantasies & desires. Keep an eye on her Twitter @drcarlen or Facebook page: “Simple Advice for Sexy Living” to see more blogs, tips and advice.

A Sexy Love Affair

What’s better on Valentine’s Day than to have a sexy love affair… with the one you love? Sometimes what our relationships need most is a little attention and revitalization. This Valentine’s Day weekend might be the perfect opportunity for you to kick-off your yearlong commitment to the love affair with your partner and help grow the spark back. A little effort can be met with grandiose rewards that can leave you both not only happier but sexually satisfied as well. Sometimes we grow into our relationships, fall into a pattern and become so comfortable that it can actually become detrimental to your success. It is easy to forget that long term relationships require continuous work, reflection and an orgasm or two!  Here are a few of my suggestions that you might want to think about if you feel your sexy love affair with your partner might need a little sexy injection!

1. Do you share many of same goals?

Checking in with partner on a yearly basis is a great way to re-connect and make sure you are both still working towards shared goals and interests. Spending an afternoon devoted to looking at your yearly calendar and communicating things you would like to do differently, keep the same or discover anew is a great technique to keeping you both on the same track emotionally and financially. The key to long term relationships is the acknowledgement that you will both change but that you can do so and grow together and adapt by sharing similar goals.  This year might be a great time to make the commitment to doing at least one thing together for the both of you that is fun! For example-cooking on Sundays, learning to golf together, going to the market every Saturday, etc.  Keep the activity or committed time creative if you like, but just make sure that both of you are fully in and that it has the potential to be something that you both can grow to love doing together.

 

2. Do you make a commitment to your sex life with your partner?

Without a happy sex life, you might as well just be friends and reduce the heartache either of you may be experiencing. We all have a desire to be wanted and loved. The intimacy we share with our partners is a large part of what keeps our relationship different from the others we hold dear in our lives. With this though, needs the acknowledgement that many of us will experience fluctuations or sexual droughts throughout the course of our relationships. These fluxes are normal and natural especially in periods of personal life adjustment. After a while it can seem like we have lost the spontaneity factor in our sex lives, but as we grow, we also need to be aware that actually making and taking the time to invest in your sexual relationship together is how our relationships grow and mature. Spontaneity is fun but not necessary.  In a world where everyone has an electronic calendar and a busy individual lives planning sex can actually ensure that you are taking the time to connect with your partner. Sending dirty text messages, leaving little love notes that talk about how excited you are for the sexy party for two in your bedroom that evening can have you in heat and keep you horny all day long - which can be just as exciting. So make the time, to take the time and reconnect sexually with your partner.

3. Do you have realistic expectations?

Your sex life is like a fine wine; it’s supposed to get better with age. If you put in the time and nurture your sex life with yourself & with your partner, your sexy love affair will be charged for many years to come! As humans, we are naturally selfish and we can forget that our relationships take just as much work as our fantasy football leagues. What is important to remember is that if the two of you can agree that you both need to give more than you will naturally begin to feel more bonded & conscious of your actions. In relationships the realism is that you will disagree at times, you’re going to fight, but you’re also going to love, enjoy, create, and agree. Sometimes we can become overwhelmed about where we are right now, instead of looking forward for what’s to come. Nurturing our intimate relationships will allow you both to explore new things about yourself and about each other, (like new erogenous zones) which all come from building trust.

4. Do you celebrate anniversaries or large accomplishments?

Sometimes we can lose sight of what is important in our lives. Reaching our goals and catering to the needs of others can often stray us away from what is really important in our lives. Being able to share in honouring and celebrating each other can lead us to feel a sense of unity and cohesion in our relationships. Be proud of one another! If the last thing you want to do is be happy for the person that you’re supposed to love then, maybe it might be time to check in with yourself. What is it really that you want, because clearly it might not be that person? Along with celebrations comes very sexy celebratory lingerie! Take the time on both sides to indulge a little and celebrate with your sensuality and put on something that feels just as good as it looks!

5. Do you touch, cuddle and kiss?

We have for some reason nurtured a hands-off policy in all areas of our lives. Did you know that North Americans on average touch one another less than many other countries in the world? I’m not saying we have to be hot and heavy in every dark corner of the party, but being able to give and receive a daily dose of physical affection with your partner is a healthy way to communicate that you’re connected to one another. Physical touch can make the connection feel real. Words can sometimes feel like a band aid because change often comes with action. On a date with your passion partner? Try sitting next to each other rather than across from one another. Being able to maintain physical contact can lead to some fun flirting, inconspicuous naughty petting and a reigniting of the sexual spark between you. If you’re looking to rekindle your love, beginning by simply touching one another in a sensual manner can be the glue that heals, calms and restores your relationship. Don’t be fearful to overtly show your affection to your partner. PDA is what makes the world go round!

Romantic love is when passion and love combines. Sparking that passion between the two of you is work and it takes work. Love is something to be earned. The commitment you make to both can start as soon as you want it to!

 

Dr. Carlen is one of Canada’s most sought after Sexologist & Relationship Experts. Now, she’s looking for help to reach out to as many people as possible. Dr. Carlen wants everyone to know that it’s important to stay sexy. Sexy Living is all about nurturing the attitude that allows us healthy and happy intimate relationships. It’s about communicating, behaving, loving and translating your own sexual energy into satisfying your fantasies & desires. Keep an eye on her Twitter @drcarlen or Facebook page: “Simple Advice for Sexy Living” to see more.

Dating Dealbreakers

Maintaining healthy boundaries about who you choose to date is a natural part of the mating ritual. When roaming amongst the pride, being selective in who you partner with is a protective instinct. By today’s standards I would say that means the protection of your self-identity, your emotions and whatever it is in your life that you cherish most and have worked to achieve.

So let’s be honest about something – there will always be certain qualities about someone that you find incredibly attractive and others that may be quite repulsive. That’s why we date. To figure out what we want, change it a few times and repeat. Some qualities though, may be generally accepted as deal breakers or red flags that definitely stop you from calling your potential partner the next day.

Take a look at this quick list of some of the more common deal breakers that you may or may not encounter in the dating safari.

1. Bad hygiene…

 … Not mismatched, just simply bad. All I’m saying is that it doesn’t hurt to take a shower and brush your teeth daily. We’re not asking for much. Two socks –no need to be matched, clean pants – maybe one day worn and ‘aired’ out for 3, the word soap is in your vocabulary. Everyone gets busy throughout the year, but if you’re planning to impress someone on a first date unless you’re going to yoga or the gym together, sweatpants are not a good call. Everyone has quirks and it’s the people that appreciate those that you want to keep close in your life, but on a first date putting in a little bit of an effort may pay off in the long run.

2. Being rude to well, anyone unnecessarily.

“Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle” – Philo of Alexandria

Everyone has a bad day.  The biggest turn off though, is being on a date with someone who decides it’s fun to puff out their ego unnecessarily. There’s a difference between having sexy confidence and just being inappropriate. Throwing a mini-fit that you choose to go to the busiest restaurant in the city on a Friday date night, with less one wait staff on the floor and your dessert is taking a couple minutes too long is just not attractive. Things may not go as expected, but to show off your ability to be calm, cool & collected will undoubtedly pay off and cause you less stress.

3. Talking about your past relationships.

Those people are in your past for a reason, so why would your trusting date want to relive those memories with you? Dating is the conscious effort to put yourself back on the market and maybe meet someone new who sparks your interest. Hearing about how you and your blonde ambition both enjoyed churros every summer at the festival is not my idea of lubing up this raven diva. Live in the moment and enjoy your company, if you’re struggling to get over your Ex be upfront about your status and be clear that you need to take things slow. No one wants to date the Debbie downer at the derby. If you’re holding onto expectations about what dating is like, or if some pretty strong feelings are still resonating, that might be a sign that you need some “me” time before trying to get into some “we” time.

4. Being overtly sexual when uncalled for.

 You know the difference. Stop. Think about it. You know the difference between when the situation has switched from I want to get to know you, to let’s just get it on. Reciprocation of feelings occurs naturally when two people are attracted to one another.  At times you will find that you slightly begin parroting the other. On your next date, notice small things like you both will take a sip of your drink at the same time while teasing each other with eye contact. If, after the appetizers you realize that you’re not feeling the relationship any further than breakfast at their place (breakfast optional), just be honest about it. That moment when you figure out your attraction level and how far you are willing to take it, is the moment you should be informing the other person. Groping the other person unnecessarily because you’ve already decided this is a physical-kind-of-thang may leave you going home solo instead of scoring.  Allowing things to flow naturally and being honest is your best bet when trying to make a positive impression on your potential mate, even if it’s just for the night.

5. Flirting with other people during the date.

Everyone loves a little attention, but you’re already on a date that is all about giving each other attention! Flirting with others when you’re on a first date is just simply a turn-off. If you wanted to be the star of the party, then wait for the weekend and head over to Jack’s; not while your date is just getting into their entrée. Maintaining eye contact, engaging in the conversation and maybe throwing in a laugh or two will be a sure way to communicate that you’re into the date and ensure a good time by the both of you.

Dr. Carlen is one of Canada’s most sought after Sexologist & Relationship Experts. Now, she’s looking for help to reach out to as many people as possible. Dr. Carlen wants everyone to know that it’s important to stay sexy. Sexy Living is all about nurturing the attitude that allows us healthy and happy intimate relationships. It’s about communicating, behaving, loving and translating your own sexual energy into satisfying your fantasies & desires. Keep an eye on her Twitter @drcarlen or Facebook page: “Simple Advice for Sexy Living” to see more blogs, tips, advice, & see if the TLC Sex Show is coming to a campus near you!

A Winter Wonderland - Top 5 “Day Date” Ideas

Day dates in the winter can be truly romantic!

Coming back from Christmas holidays might leave you feeling a little sentimental and possibly looking for a little lovin’ as you get ready to take on the brand new year. Part of your yearly resolution might be to finally muster up the courage for that hottie you’ve been scoping in your psychology class all semester and finally ask them out. But what are you going to do on your first date? How are you going to charm your way to a second date?
The answer really lies in the simple fact that whenever you’re trying to impress someone, being yourself is the best piece of advice! No one wants to waste their time getting to know someone and then realizing that person is a sham – life is too busy as it is! But if you’re really trying to get to know someone on your first date, then trying out a “day date” might help take a lot of the pressure off. Dates that take place during the day have many positives; they can be less formal, less expensive, a good date can literally last all day without the pressure of it ‘being too late’, you have more choices which allow you to get a little more creative and since it’s daylight hours, people won’t be able to use alcohol as a crutch to making poor choices.

For all those reasons and more is why I’ve put together a little list of some of the best winter season day date ideas. My ideas might just inspire you to just get a little creative and make this New Year a great year for you and someone pretty awesome.

1. Tobogganing / Tubing

Pull together the $20, go your nearest Canadian Tire and grab yourself a couple magic carpets for an afternoon that will bring you both back to your childhood. Might I suggest Doidge Park at Cheapside & Waterloo? Or, Google the tubing hill in St. Mary’s (River Valley Golf Club) for a hilarious adventure that is sure to get you both laughing, enticing that sexy pleasure setting dopamine to kick in!

2. Ice skating & a sweet afternoon delight…

Who doesn’t love cheesecake?!? Most cities have public arenas set up outside at this time of the year that are free and festive until early spring. Then why not warm up in a tiny coffee shop where the both of you can really just chill out, warm up & actually get to know each other better, with your clothes on. If you’re looking or a like-to-love relationship then investigating if you two actually have chemistry should be on the priority list.

3. Museum/Art Gallery

Dates don’t always have to be filled with mind blowing exciting new moments all the time. Indulging in the arts is a great way to ignite conversations that you might not have prepared before the date, and is also a great way to stimulate your mind - that other very important piece of the chemistry puzzle. Being able to share in an experience as subjective as the arts can be just as exciting and you both might have the opportunity to learn something new not only about your date, but about yourself!

4. Hot yoga & a sushi lunch

This idea is great because it’s a healthy alternative that is unexpected & yet trendy. If you can think of your first date as an adventure that you really don’t have a treasure map to follow it helps take a little bit of the pressure off. It can be fun to mix it up on a first date and take someone on a new experience that might not be the typical but will definitely be memorable. This option is sure to help feng shui your date and your day!

5. The Palasad

Do you fancy a little pool, maybe an arcade game or two? Invoking a little competition in ourselves leads to the rise of testosterone, one of our main sex drive hormones; but testosterone may also be associated with our lingual and cognitive abilities, making it a little easier to ”say what you mean and mean what you say” kind of experience. Also, this option offers a variety of things to do! You can bowl, play some billiards, or roll into the arcade - all while enjoying some delicious munchies and a cool beverage. Taking a date to a place like this ensures that the night keeps flowing without really much planning effort on your part which can help you relax and really just enjoy the night!

Dr. Carlen is one of Canada’s most sought after Sexologist & Relationship Experts. Now, she’s looking for help to reach out to as many people as possible. Dr. Carlen wants everyone to know that it’s important to stay sexy. Sexy Living is all about nurturing the attitude that allows us healthy and happy intimate relationships. It’s about communicating, behaving, loving and translating your own sexual energy into satisfying your fantasies & desires. Keep an eye on her Twitter @drcarlen or Facebook page: “Simple Advice for Sexy Living” to see more blogs, tips, advice, & see if the TLC Sex Show is coming to a campus near you!

A Naughty & Nice Christmas List

Have you been naughty or nice this year? Are you looking for that extra special, extra spicy holiday gift for that special someone who deserves a little more than a lump of coal? Well, the weather outside might be frightful, but the fire is so delightful when you’re snuggled up with that someone special. With mistletoe, spiced eggnog and holiday season parties every weekend, one of the best ways to unwind and connect with yourself or that naughty little partner of yours is to bring the festive spirit indoors!

What *some* guys are thinking during Sex!

What do men want?

Well, unfortunately this is not a rom-com and the answer does not lie within a bottle of wine and Mel Gibson. What I can tell you, is I may not know exactly what they want-but I do know what they’re thinking… specifically during sex.

Let me be clear that my sources are varied – and a big shout out to my many brothers who definitely guided me through some of this. But ladies & gents, I just want you to completely understand that most of the time, it’s really this simple: What guys are thinking about during sex is well… sex. Don’t make it complicated or get it twisted. Check out my list of what I found *some* guys think about during sex:

1. YES! I am SO having SEX right now!

Elated with the feeling of penetration, or the idea that they actually might get a chance to rock n’ romp, guys usually are living purely in the present. Most men like to stay in the moment and enjoy their intimate experiences. Sex to many men is a release of their day, so the last thing they’re thinking about is paying the bills or did I run my bedtime bath.

2. Can I put this here?

Some of the results of my field research informed me that there are many guys out there who are focused on giving their partner ultimate pleasure. Some less experienced men may find that sex can be confusing, especially because women’s arousal patterns are much more complex. Is this working? Does she look like she’s having a good time? Do you think they’ll mind if I do this…? As men age and gain more experience, they also gain more confidence in between the sheets and sex becomes less intimidating. Men can then spend more time focusing on the pleasure piece rather than the “am I doing it right” piece.

3. BOOBS!

As previously mentioned, while some men are knocking boots they like to remain in the present and focus on the main goal – their orgasm. So, while you may be lying back and thinking does this angle make my butt look big, most of the time your guy is thinking “I am the luckiest guy in the world right now” or “boobs are awesome”. While you may be worried that as a partner you have an “obligation to perform”, this is where using fantasy plays a huge role in any hot & heavy hook-up. Guys are great at it! Fantasizing is actually healthy and everybody does it – or should. So, while you might be stressing that you missed a patch of hair behind your ankle, take a cue from the guys and put a little sexy thought into it. -Chris Hemsworth- *cough**cough*.

4. When can I do this again?

Sometimes when guys are having sex, or right after, they’re thinking about how to get more sex (shocking). It’s really that simple. By taking a moment to quickly analyze what they did right to get there, they create a game plan to do it again. By sticking to it, their chances of success, in their minds, may increase. This is why cheesy pick-up lines and douche-baggery exist in the dating world, unfortunately. Somewhere, at some point, the game plan may have worked thus perpetuating the use of really bad pick-up lines and not-so-sexy shams. Either way, sometimes it really is all about the honey pot – so if you’re on the prowl be aware that you’re not the only one on the hunt tonight.

5 Tips to Dirrrty Talking

When was the last time you had one of those hook ups that was just so good you had to lock it in the spank bank? Memorable sexcapades can sometimes be few and far between which is why knowing how to get the most out of it and leave a lasting impression can be a challenge. Here’s a little tip: try sprinkling in a touch of dirty talk! For some people, spicing it up with a little dirty talk has the ability to amp up an already seriously piquant sex-perience.  Whether you’re handling your hook up or heavy petting with your partner, if you can find the confidence to either whisper something naughty in their ear or growl  a little some kind of sexy-wonderful you are going to definitely get your pleasure pal’s attention.

Are you feeling confused and turned on all at the same time right now? Let me help you clear that up so you can get to practicing your dirty words in a less techno sex kind of way. Take a look at my 5 key tips to how to get down & get dirty talkin’.

1. Know your dirty talk style: really… you don’t have to try so hard.

The reason why dirty talk is hot is because it’s already something different that you add to your sex play. The element of surprise is essentially already on your side. If you’re new to the dirty talk world, start simple. Dirty talk isn’t about being grimy. It can be naughty, saucy, spicy, and mild between the degrees of hard vs. soft styles. Some of us are seasoned lovers and have our sexy toolboxes ready for any occasion, while some of us would just rather not.  By using language that is at your comfort level you can ease into practicing your skills. Mastering dirty talk is like knowing that you don’t jump into the pool, you put your toe in first. By showing off that you know the 7 dirtiest words to not say on TV in the first few minutes of your encounter, you can come across as fake and demeaning thereby, killing the mood. Just be you and know your limitations.

2. It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.

Whether you’re with a one night hook-up or your perma bed buddy, introducing dirty talk to your own sex files can be intimidating. With one night stands, it may be perceived that you have less to lose (other than your dignity). Some of my male friends informed me that a lot of “younger guys” get in there and do their thing and forget about what the other person wants. They jump in for a show rather than an experience. Don’t get me wrong, everyone likes to mix it up and have a good time, but whether you’re feeling over confident or not at all, when it comes to dirty talk it’s all in the delivery.  The tone of your voice, the speed of your words and your overall confidence can make all the difference. Sex can be weird, uncomfortable and awkward at times, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Showing that you can be real or really seductive is all in the delivery.

3. Are you a dirty talker or a dirty do-er?

Great sex artists are masters of every sexy aspect from fashion to fellatio, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be. If dirty talk just doesn’t feel natural, then don’t sweat it! Here’s the thing. As we grow, so do our desires. We evolve and crave change. Being able to change it up in the bedroom is what keeps many of us feeling alive, but there’s no need to feel like you’re bringing a knife to a gun fight. The best way to impress someone between the sheets is just by being you and having a great time. If you’re lucky enough to get hot and heavy with a special someone I would focus more on providing them with ultimate physical pleasure than ear vomit. Knowing your limits with yourself and with your partner can ease any pressure from preconceived expectations. It’s all about having a great time with the other person and feeling pleasure… really, it’s that’ simple.

4. Whose line is it anyway?              

People often think that dirty talk has to be downright filthy to make an impression. Fortunately, it is au contraire. The moment feels right, things are getting hot and both of you are thrilled in embrace. If you’re feeling an urge to say something, then say what feels natural – not what you saw in a porno, unless it legitimately turns you on. This isn’t an episode of “sexing with the stars” and America is not voting based on your saucy talk skills. Trying to be extreme just for the sake of it instead of sex playing based on the actual mood can kill the whole experience. If you want to amp it up a bit start with the small steps and see how your partner reacts - especially if it’s a hook up. You don’t want to be that creepy one night stand… nobody wants to be that guy. If you’re in a relationship and you want to add some dirty talk, also be sure to start where your comfort level is at or else it comes off as trying too hard. It’s about being in sync with your partner and discovering the elements to elevating your sexual capacity together. Trying new things can be really fun, no matter who you’re playing with; just be sure you’re being real and not putting on a late night special.

5. The pre-game: dirty talking in a digital age

Let’s face it. Social media and smart phones are the new norms of today. This means our methods of communication have expanded leaving quite a bit of room for our naughty natures to come to full bloom. Sexting, which is sending explicit messages to someone through a device such as a cell phone or online, is increasing in prevalence. Sexting can also be used as a part of foreplay to ignite feelings of anticipation and raise the heat levels! Just remember to Sext responsibly. Just because you can’t see the person doesn’t give you free reign to go to nasty town and lay out all your pervy desires. Be respectful of the person you’re talking to and recognize the limits. Remembering that once it’s out there texts, PMs, IMs, or otherwise are digital and may come back to haunt you in the future… including those pics of your tasty bits.  So be smart about how and to whom you’re exercising your digital love.

Different Strokes: Uncommon Fetishes

In the spirit of Halloween today, I wanted to put out a quick post about some of the research I did about uncommon fetishes for my weekly segment on The Mike Chalut Show, 103.9 Proud FM.

Sexual fetishism is where one achieves sexual arousal from a either a physical object or specific situation that is used to enhance the sexual experience. The enhancing element is used as an orgasmic trigger and varies from application to usage. Not every fetish is everyone’s cup of tea – but what I learned in sex school: don’t yuck someone else’s yum! So here is a quick list of some of the more interesting sexual fetishes out there!

1.       Formicophilia

This fetish is all about creepy crawlies and insects. There are those who are turned on by the idea of having insects climb and crawl all over their bodies, especially their genitals. The idea of being bitten, tickled or stung is also highly arousing.

2.       Odaxelagnia

Hard to pronounce, and a mouth full… literally! This paraphilia concerns sexual arousal through either biting another person or being bitten. Although it does not typically involve blood, many people actually exhibit this behaviour on a regular basis! Have you ever been in a hot and heavy situation and your sexy lover goes in for a little nibble? Same idea, just as a fetish the basic idea is that being bitten brings you to orgasmic ecstasy.

3.       Hermatolagnia

I am as much on team Edward as the next vamp-tween, but this fetish takes it to a whole other level. Hermatolagnia, or blood play is typically seen amongst those who possess their lifestyles as vampires but is not limited to that crowd. Many who practice blood play feel that the blood is a sacred life force (obviously) but that it also possesses powerful and magical properties. Vampirism and knife players alike are those who may be seen to desire this fetish.

4.       Agalmatophilia

Many of you grew up wanting to be a beautiful Disney princess. Most of you didn’t actually become one. This fetish is for those who are actually attracted to the dolls and/or figurines and possibly desire sexual encounters with this toy. Dollification on the other hand though, is the process in which someone chooses to evolve physically and mentally into a living doll. These people may also choose to submit to their ‘owner’ and live subserviently to their owner. These two go hand in hand, and although agalmatophilia has long been a tradition, (see all the blow up dolls in sex stores across the country), dollification is especially now gaining ground internationally with groups popping up on the interwebs and social media where you can see plenty of people worship these mostly women who participate in this fetish.

5.       Coulrophilia

It is really unknown why this fetish exists, but this fetish might give some of you the heebie-jeebies! Coulrophilia is the fetish for clowns, mimes & jesters. The make-up, frilly collars, and red squeaky noses might not be your cup of tea, but after doing some research on the subject ‘clown porn’ is really a huge thing on the interwebs that might not only turn you on, but put a smile on your face all at the same time. It’s just too bad the Joker didn’t find this niche before taking on Batman.

There you have it! My top 5 uncommon fetishes that might leaving you looking into wanting to know more or cringing at the very thought. Either way, Happy Halloween readers and be safe while surfing for your sexy fetish tonight! XOX

Lip locks & Lip gloss : Tips to help you become a better Kisser!

One of the most iconic visuals of love and admiration that pop culture falls back on is through the public witness of a kiss. One can say that a kiss can either make or break not only you, but a potential intimate relationship. Bad kissing is right up there with being one of the top ten reasons why you shouldn’t turn down a second date, but who’s to say it doesn’t have a small part if you’re sitting on the edge.

“The definition of a kiss is relatively simple: It is either the mouth-to-mouth orientation of two individuals or the pressing of one’s lips on some other part of another’s body” (Science of Kissing, Sheril Kirshenbaum). Kissing, no matter where you`re from, how you do it or who you`re doing it to is one of the most intimate ways we can connect with another person. In our swapping of spit, twisting tongues and locking lips, kissing has always been part of the language of love, yet only a few have mastered it’s techniques.

Whether it’s innate or a cultural phenomenon, the panel is still out. Either way, here are a few tips for making your next kiss a lip locker rocker rather than a tongue tied mistake.

1. Oral hygiene

Is your mouth well equipped to take on a lip locking adventure? What some people forget is that a kiss not only involves just the lips, but when you’re rolling in the deep the rest of your mouth comes along for the ride. Keeping your oral hygiene up by visiting your dentist at minimum twice per year, along with your own personal regiment requires planning and toothy tenacity that can make or break you at ‘hello’. Make sure you’re rocking some fresh breath, keeping your tongue scraped daily and floss when you can. No one likes the entrée to appear in their mouth after dessert. On a big date and need to keep it fresh? Don’t worry it’s easy to make sure you’re packing. Keeping a pack of breath mints or gum makes sure you’ve practiced safe breathe & kiss safely (Dentyne gum); especially if you’re a lover of fine foods such as coffee, wine or garlic. Taking care of your entire mouth will only make it more appealing when those pearly whites appear for a good ol’ flirt-on.

2. Loaded lips

As sexy as it is in music videos when the star has lacquered lips – along with a makeup artist and professional lighting, one of the downsides is usually a main squeeze with a glossy face that is nothing short of just a sticky mess. Lip chap, lipstick with stain, and a light gloss that you can reapply all keep your pout pretty but make them kissable and fabulously desirable at the same time.

Men need to be aware of lip maintenance care too. No one likes to kiss a chappy chap! All men, especially when you’re facing cold & dry climates, need to also remember to keep their lips luscious with some daily maintenance too. Keep a lip balm with SPF in your man bag, inner coat pocket or desk drawer. Balms with mint, light berry or my favourite Dr. Pepper flavors keep any lip lover always coming back for a second taste.

3. Kissing Style

Whether you’re in a heavy make out or having your first kiss, when the slip of the tongue ensues, keep it classy & sassy instead of saucy and raunchy. If you find that your mate is pulling away a little, they might just be coming up for air and trying to avoid the suction of your Bermuda triangle tongue. Mix up your style to avoid this mishap! A little lip suck, a mildly twisty tongue, a bottom lip nibble… all bring you attention when penning your kiss signature. But just be sure you exercise your new techniques at the right time. No one likes to see a make out session in front of Grandma at Thanksgiving. Light kisses, deep kisses, fun kisses and pecks are all ways to mix it up and keep your lover at labial attention.

4. The Body Kiss

It’s easy to forget that an awesome kiss involves more than just the right lip lock magic. To leave a lasting impression involves your whole body. Using your hands to lightly caress her back, pressing your hips closer to theirs, blowing lightly on their necks and nibbling their earlobes are all ways to pump up the volume on a kiss that will leave a lasting impression. Often, we can find ourselves focusing too much on our mouths instead of feeling the flow of the moment. Kissing on the lips is only one way we can connect with our mouths physically to someone. It’s important to use the rest of your body to send positive signals that you’re in the moment and you’re just as interested as they are. The right caress or kiss in another erogenous zone, such as the neck or collarbone can trigger pleasurable sensations that pulse right through the entire body.

5. Luscious lip attitude

The main thing to remember when deciding to go in for the kill is to have confidence and a sexified attitude. Having the confidence and knowing for you that you are a delicious diva and can pick up that lover for a ride to pleasure town is one of the hottest assets a person can have. It’s all about your attitude and confidence going into it. If you’re having fun, your lip locking lover will be too! So get out there and make sure they remember you with your signature kiss XOX

There’s something about Boobs.

(picture provided by AskMen.com)

With other women’s breasts making headlines lately, naturally all I had on my mind were, well… breasts. The fascination with everyone’s boobs in the mainstream media is becoming overwhelming! From mini melons to mother mounds, mammary madness has hit with full force.

After the singer Pink was picked on for exercising her blessed ability to breastfeed in public (with a Hooter Hider), or the fact that the royal we all love Kate Middleton had her privacy invaded with bare breasted pics taken of her in France…the question needs to be asked: why is there such a commotion being made lately about breasts?

Breasts. Whatever you want to call them; boobs, boobies, tits, tatas, melons, mosquitoe bites, Thelma & Louise… I have them. Most men and women globally have them. The breast(s) are actually my favourite multifunctional body parts. From breast feeding beauties to bosom buddies, you could say that I’ve developed a loving relationship with my tatas. I asked some of my closest friends the other night; “what do you love about your breasts?”. The texts were sent, and within minutes my phone was chiming like a church tower. Their answers were confident and amazingly blunt. ”I just love them period. They make me feel like a woman”; “I love their size because they’re small and perky… and I have great nipples!”; “I love that a simple little breathe of air on them almost brings me to the edge”; “that they’re small enough that I can get away with not wearing a bra most of the time”. The complaint side of the conversation left me answers that were mostly cosmetic in nature, wherein they talked about unwarranted stretch marks and imbalanced sizing. But most confidently did my diva sisters discuss their neat nipples that are not to compete with. Fabulously enough, these women love their nipples, as they and all others, should. Nature has blessed mammals with the gift of breasts and nipples to be able to naturally nurse their newborns; and as if magically, they also happen to enhance intimate encounters for a variety of mammalian species. Socially though, we are confused about the bare breast rules.Why can a man have a picture of his bare chest on a social media outlet and yet a woman’s nipples need to be covered with little stars? Is there something with female nipples that are more offensive than male ones? This discussion needs to be had on a fabulous patio with a few dirty martinis and the wisdom of a few breast chested individuals.

In just taking a look at recent media here’s my list of contributing factors as to why we have developed this new mainstream obsession and rather polarized relationship with breasts.

1. Naturally, breasts in women are meant to support the gift of life. Have you noticed that everyone around you is expecting? The newly coined “Great Recession” (how original), has inspired couples everywhere to spend their extra time staycationing in their bedrooms. During economic hardships, historically speaking, the population can expect a slight boom in numbers-a baby blip. This then, has led to women everywhere to be expecting which, is having an impact on what the market is promoting. Mommy and me yoga classes, Sophie the giraffe teething toy and actually fashionable maternity wear is all the rage and probably going to be supporting the upturn in the economy. With the conversation of parenting, motherhood and breast feeding reaching the cover of TIME magazine, and let’s be honest, all of our Facebook newsfeeds being plastered with pictures of other people’s newest additions, parenthood is the name of the game right now. With all of this birthing then, comes along new mothers who do what their bodies do best - breastfeed. Whenever and rightfully so, wherever they need to. With more mommies, comes more opportunities to witness this beautiful wonder thus unfortunately adding to the boobie bitching that has been unnerving lately. Here’s the thing, breast feeding can be one of the best things you do for your baby emotionally and physically. Ultimately though, it is your choice and either way, that is what needs to be respected. But the baby blip has definitely revived the breast talk with all these hot mamas making waves.  

2. Since 1935, the appeal of the Wonderbra has been promising magic to women everywhere. Associating your undergarments with feelings of confidence and sex appeal has been the messaging of this industry for some time. Whether the lingerie is just for your pleasure or for someone else’s, new campaigns for Wonderbra, or others such as Victoria’s Secret have inspired a new movement of sensuality for many women today… and I love it! Although, through this the commercialization of the female form has really become a thorn, the positive side is that many other women are coming out of their shells. The love of lingerie has provided options and an ability to enhance an intimate lifestyle in a healthy and loving way. Bodacious boobs are coming out and they’re bringing their ladies with them.

4. As much as it might be hated to admit, the volume that breasts bring to a great outfit can be what completes it. Thankfully, fashion has begun to entice volume and voluptuousness to come out from hiding and show off their curves. The waif look is out, and curves are in. With the mediasphere spotlighting stars such as Sofia Vergara and Christina Hendrikx, the emergence of real size models and sites such as  Healthy is the New Skinny; it all helps in encouraging girls and women everywhere to shed their shame and love the skin they were made in. Whatever the size, thankfully, fashion has evolved to leave any breast chested person the ability to cover up or show off as much as is in their comfort zone.

5. Attractiveness & fertility - As a factor to male sexual strategy, studies have been done to compare whether sociosexually we are attracted to either larger or smaller breasts. The study “Female Breast Size Attractiveness for Men as a Function of Sociosexual Orientation (Restricted vs. Unrestricted)” differentiated men between restricted (in a long term committed relationship) & unrestricted (short term non commitment seeking) categories. Overall, both categories rated women with larger breasts to be more attractive (big surprise), but restricted men did rate the larger the breast size lower than the unrestricted men. This is hypothesized for a variety of reasons, but either way a size C/D were perceived to be pretty much the perfect fit.

One theory is that it has to do with partner suitability and our innate ability to choose a partner who is best to mate with. The larger the breasts, the naturally heavier the woman. Curves in women, may signal a positive correlation in men of not only attractiveness but fertility. Instinctively speaking, this might communicate a lot to men.

The study was actually quite interesting in also going on about breast size and fidelity correlation. But I think it can be said that our attraction to boobs, (in this case with breast attracted men) may have an underlying influence due to biological instincts.

Let’s talk about breasts ba-by!

 Whatever the reason breasts have been on the front page, it is the dialogue that ensues which will determine how it impacts all my breast chested friends. Either way, please be kind and respect the choices of others. Your boobie buddies will love you for it.

OCTOBER is Breast Cancer Awareness month. If there is anything that I would like to say, is that this month, shelve your shaming, put away the guilt and love that with which you were blessed. To my grandmother, a breast cancer survivor, my partner’s aunt, a beautiful energy that continues to live everyday and all the women and men that are warriors in their own right, to them, I dedicate my affection and prayers.  

Gettin’ Hitched, Married, Committed or whatever…

Let’s be honest - everyone and their sister is either getting married or having a baby this year! I know I need a Toys R Us loyalty card now for all the gifts I want to spoil my friend’s new bundles of milk and diapers… but what if you’re that girl? The girl in that long term relationship just wanting for the question to be popped - but it doesn’t look like it’s in the cards anytime soon… or anytime really for that matter?

I read this article today:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/claudia-maittlenharris/signs-hes-never-going-to-marry-you_b_1669802.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

The article was entertaining. It did what it needed to do, but I need to be honest. Sometimes when we read about the “signs of whatever horrible is happening in your life/or awesome in your life -and I’m just looking for validation of what I already know” type of article, the impact can be interesting on a personal level.

Everyone deserves love and is just as capable of giving it, but sometimes we find ourselves obsessing over the future rather than reeling in the right now. Many people enjoy the idea of having the big fancy party and showing the world that YES! we do love each other. That to me, is fabulous! But, if you’ve been mulling over your marital status, please keep a few key points in mind:

Two things:

1 - I love ME

As much as I LOVE… well, love - your entire life should not be centered around your relationship. Having an individual identity and being empowered by it, is a hella awesome gift, ability and healthy way of life. If the sole entirety of your existence in your relationship is based on your craving and demand of “when are we going to get married?” then there may be a bigger problem. Marriage shouldn’t be seen as an end goal, but rather a milestone. Marriage is supposed to be a celebration of love and acknowledgment that says ”hey! we love each other, and I’m not perfect, and they’re definitely not perfect, and we’ve both made a bunch of mistakes but this just happens to be my best friend and the one person I want to share all my tears, smiles, mistakes and accomplishments together with and we want to be slightly narcissistic for one day, tell the world and proclaim our respect, trust and sincerity in this commitment … and their uber cute butt helps*” (try saying ALL that in one breath!).

That love is what helped the two of you get through the past few years leading up to that moment and that commitment, is what will take you both to hopefully fulfill your vows under whatever deity you promised that to… and if not, well, divorce ain’t cheap but it’s better than being miserable every morning - kind of like coyote ugly.

The key is to make sure you love yourself, and love the person you are in your relationship. Because really honey… sometimes it isn’t them, it really might be you.

2 - Under Pressure

You can’t read an article and expect all the tell tale signs to be true and applicable to your life/relationship - except for definitely #1 in the aforementioned article. If two people are on the same page, you will know it! Stuff like “hey, we should totally get that for your Dad at Christmas”, or “I’m thinking next time/year, we do this…” type of conversations will usually occur. Unless it’s the first date or you’ve just started the new beginnings of your current love affair -  if you’re in a relationship, and your significant other can’t talk about anything future related, then it might be a sign that Honey! They just aren’t that into you… and buying time is better than being alone for them.

Many people feel the pressure. Family, economic sustainability, your own ideals and values all play a part in the choice as to whether marriage is the right thing. Don’t let the pressure make the decision for you though. I’ve seen couples who chose to break up, rather than really look at and deal with the nauseated feeling they get when they thought about getting married.

Does marriage solidify your commitment, or does the trust in your relationship? Commitment should be centered around the coming together in a healthy and ultimately satisfying experiences that the both of you have had. Marriage is really just “another excuse for a party”, and as MUCH and I love those, sometimes we have to check our priorities rather than our infantile fantasies.

Bottom line… get married! have fun! stay single! stay in a committed relationship!

Do WHATEVER you want! Just be happy and if you’re in a relationship, take the time to check in with each other what the plan is. If your goals don’t collide then that might be a sign to keep movin’ sista-friend!

And, as one of the Divas herself, Madonna, has said best:

“Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another.”

Live your life full of love, light and laughter… then bring along your friends and a great dirty martini and all will be well.

Stay Sexy XOX